What to Say When Someone Changes Their Name
It’s important to respect someone’s name change, and be supportive! It also is none of anyone’s business why they chose to change their name, and whether it’s “legally” changed or not, it’s important to use it and not make a big deal out of the change!
Disclaimer: I’ll be talking about name changes from the perspective of a transgender nonbinary person — but people can change their name for whatever reason they decide!
What this blog post will cover:
- What to say when someone you know changes their name
- What to say when someone from work changes their name
- What to say if your student changes their name
- What to say if a sibling changes their name
What to say when someone you know changes their name:
“Thank you for telling me!”
This is one of the best responses because you acknowledge this person didn’t have to go to the trouble of telling you, and thank them for their time! Don’t make this very personal announcement about you by having a negative reaction.
“Awesome! Congrats!”
The best! We love to celebrate hard things, and name change processes can be very stressful. Show your support and make this person feel comfortable by being happy for them!
What to say when someone from work changes their name:
“I’m so happy for you! Is there anything I can do to help update your file/name plate/name tag?”
This communicates that you care about this change, and recognize it can be intimidating to update someone’s records at work — sometimes help is appreciated, and other times it’s not! Always cool to ask, just in case.
“Thanks for telling me! Is this a name I can use for you with everyone at work, or just our team/department for now?”
Sometimes people want to try out a new name before telling everyone at work — it can be useful to clarify if this name change is effective in every setting or only some!
What to say if your student changes their name:
“Thank you for telling me! Is this name one I can use in class/with parents or just between us for now?”
A student may be more comfortable socially transitioning at school than at home depending on their level of safety and comfort. If a student chooses to share this important information with you, it’s imperative you understand what they’re comfortable with.
“You’re amazing! How can I help share this update with the rest of our class?”
Sometimes a student might not have thought about who they would like to tell, or how — it can be helpful from a teacher’s role to offer support and see how the student wants to proceed.
What to say if a sibling changes their name:
“Thank you for trusting me! How would you like me to use your name? Just between us, or is this something you’d like help sharing with the family?”
Whether older or younger, it’s important to respect your siblings autonomy and show your support by offering to have their back. It is very common for siblings to come out to each other before coming out to their parents — and having siblings be supportive can encourage them to share this information with the rest of their family.
“Omg congrats! I’m so happy for you — let’s think of some new family nicknames!”
With family, name changes can be harder because of an established history. There may be nicknames, or inside jokes attached to someone’s name — it’s important to recognize these are make efforts to welcome in someone’s new name by working to create new nicknames and memories!
Got more questions about how to be supportive of the transgender people in your life? I wrote “You messed up! What to do if you misgender someone” just for you!
